


Painful Reminder

by rosesiris2020



Series: Sudden Desire [2]
Category: Bandom, Paramore
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28639560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesiris2020/pseuds/rosesiris2020
Summary: Sequal to 'Sudden Desire'
Relationships: Hayley Williams/Taylor York
Series: Sudden Desire [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098686
Comments: 27
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this, I've changed my mind about posting so many times, but I thought I might as well upload what I had!

“Hello,” a voice called. “Earth to Miss Williams.”

Hayley blinked rapidly and stared at her friend.

“Have you been listening, or should I repeat myself?” Brian asked.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, waving him off as she searched her brain for any fragments of information that he may have just given her.

Brian sighed and tilted his head. “Check your email,” he flicked his eyes to her laptop, “the new samples are back.”

Hayley nodded and focused on finding the email in question. “Is this the second round of samples?”

“Third.”

Hayley winced. “Sorry,” she shook her head, “I’ll try and focus more.”

Brian’s face softened as he watched her. “It’s fine,” he said quietly, “I get it. Rough week.”

Hayley nodded and left it at that. She just needed to focus on the company work.

The pair worked quietly for the next half an hour, completing the jobs they had lined up as the lounge softly hummed with the vibration from the bus wheels. They had commandeered the space for the morning so they could get the work done they’d put off for the last few days. The rest of the guys weren’t early morning risers anyway.

“Okay,” Hayley sighed, shutting her laptop. “I think that’s everything. I sent you back a list of the colour names I like so you can send it to the office.”

“Perfect,” Brian mumbled, still deep in thought as he scanned his screen. “How many hours ‘til we get off this damn bus?”

Hayley laughed softly and checked her phone. “Two more hours and then you’re free,” she yawned, “I think I might try and get some more sleep.”

“You’re tired?” Brian said, confused. “There wasn’t a show last night?”

“Yeah,” Hayley laughed awkwardly, shrugging it off. “Just didn’t sleep well, I guess.”

Brian’s face softened in understanding.

“Anyway, I’m gonna try to catch a few more hours, my head and throat kind of hurt,” Hayley continued before he could offer any sympathy, “let me know if there’s any more work you need me to do.”

She rushed to open the lounge door and immediately collided with a body on the other side.

“Shit, sorry,” Hayley apologised before looking to see who she bumped into. “T,” she breathed, “hey.”

“Sorry,” he blinked, before looking back to Brian who was wincing at the scene in front of him. “Didn’t realise you guys were in here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hayley tried, “we were nearly done here anyway.”

“No, it’s fine,” Taylor mumbled as he adjusted the glasses on his face. Hayley’s eyes softened at his sleep rumpled hair and the glasses he only wore in the morning. “I wasn’t coming in here for anything important.”

“No, Taylor –” Hayley began.

“Nah, don’t worry about,” he shrugged and smiled tiredly, already turning to get back into his bunk.

“Taylor please –” Hayley cut off as he pulled the curtain of his bunk shut.

She groaned and turned to face Brian, rubbing her temples. “He’s been like this for a week now.”

After the drama and emotions outside of the club the week before, Taylor had disappeared for the night, returning the next morning severely hungover and cranky. Since then he'd been fine, happy even. And it was driving Hayley insane. She'd been prepared to grovel and beg for him to give her a chance after he returned home if he'd shown any interest in it, but somehow he'd flipped a switch and forgotten it all. That was the impression he was giving off anyway. 

“This is just his way of reacting to it,” Brian said simply.

Hayley hated when Brian didn’t lie for her sake. “I don’t get what’s going on with him,” she groaned, dropping down to lie back onto the sofa. “He’s not even angry, if anything he’s been so normal,” she frowned, unsure of herself.

Brian nodded.

“I mean, I don’t know what I expected after he stormed off,” Hayley continued, “but if anything he deserves to be..”

“Sad? Confused? Pissed?”

“Alright,” Hayley shot back in warning before groaning loudly, rubbing her face with her hands. “He’s not mentioned it once though, and usually he pulls the silent treatment for a bit like when I’ve pissed him off before. But he’s just acting like none of it ever happened.”

“Do you want him to be mad at you?” Brian frowned, trying to figure out her logic.

“Obviously not,” Hayley rolled her eyes as she picked at her nails, “it’s just weird. How am I meant to act when I know he deserves to be angry but is treating me like I did nothing wrong.”

“Talk to him about it?” Brian suggested.

“I’m trying! He’s all smiley and nice until I try and bring it up, and then suddenly it’s like he can’t be in the same room as me,” she exclaimed, “Fuck, I just want to fix this,” she whined.

“What he wants isn’t a quick, easy fix.”

Hayley glared at him even though she knew it was the truth. “Thanks.”

“Hey, I’m not playing devil’s advocate,” Brian pointed out, “just being realistic.”

Hayley sighed. “I know,” she pushed up from the sofa again, “Though if you asked him, there would be nothing to fix.”

“Maybe this is his way of dealing with it,” Brian offered. “He’s done this before, hasn’t he? Avoided talking about it and acted like it was all fine, you know, with past breakups?”

“It wasn’t a breakup!” Hayley cried before she could stop herself.

Brian rolled his eyes and glared. “Hayley, come on now.”

Hayley nodded and smiled tightly, swallowing down the aching thickness in her throat. “Yeah, I know,” agreeing reluctantly. She huffed and rubbed her tired eyes, “I’m gonna sleep,” she said, pointing back to her intended destination.

“If it helps, sometimes people just need time?” Brian tried. “As far as we know, this is just the way he wants to handle it. He can hardly go stomping about in front of all the guys because he’s upset and not get asked why.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I’m sure it’s not this, but maybe he just needed a few days to get over it, and he’s fine now?”

Hayley gritted her teeth at the thought. He had every right to get over it that quick but it didn’t stop an aggressive flare of heat burn in her stomach. If he just let her explain her feelings, they could get through this.

Brian winced as he noticed the hard shift in her face as she spoke. “Listen, I’m just saying things because I don’t want you to get hurt,” he insisted quietly, reaching to grab her hand to pull her attention back to him. “If I had to put money on it, he’s not over you and he just handling it like nothing’s wrong. I don’t believe whatever you two have could be so cut and dry.”

Hayley nodded and swallowed, appreciating her friends attempt at settling the panic in her brain that it was really already over.

“And you know tour life better than anyone,” he continued, squeezing her hand. “No one gets any real privacy; he probably just doesn’t want to draw attention to it. God knows how everyone would react to you two finally making your way into bed together.”

Hayley rolled her eyes but snorted affectionately at his words. “The last thing we need is everyone knowing about how I fucked up,” Hayley agreed, glancing at her friend. She loved each one of the guys with her whole heart, but she wasn’t sure she could explain the situation to anyone but Brian. She yawned again as she tried to think of something else to say.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Brian advised, “There was more to it than most people would understand anyway.”

Hayley sighed in agreement. There was more to it than she could even understand herself.

“You gonna try and sleep now?” 

“I’m going to try my hardest.”

Brian nodded and shooed her away. “Good,” he said, breaking the tension, “I’ve got work to get done anyway. Running a company and dealing with your boy problems is a two-man job.”

Hayley smiled softly and nodded. She waved once before turning back to the bunks, purposely avoiding the shut curtain opposite her own.

\--

Hayley stretched as they stepped off the bus into the Texas sun.

“God,” she groaned, “how long were we on that bus?”

“A month at least,” Logan mumbled, shielding his eyes from the bright light.

“I’m starving,” Joey grumbled, brushing his growing hair out of his eyes.

“I could go for some food,” Hayley agreed. She’d slept through the gas station stop for that journey and had been dealing with a rumbling stomach for an hour now.

“I think Justin went to get something,” Zac offered distractedly as he scrolled through his phone, “there was a Starbucks around the corner.”

“You want to go?” Hayley turned to Joey who nodded in agreement.

“Dump my bag in the green room, please?” he asked, holding out the bag in question to Logan.

“Bring me back a coffee?”

“ ’Course,” Joey smiled as he handed over the bag.

The pair waved goodbye as they set off to the coffee shop. Usually, the band tried to support local places, but Hayley was too hungry to care right now. “Man, I need something to eat so bad,” she whined.

“I just need coffee,” Joey said simply. “Coffee and then I’m good.”

Hayley nodded and continued walking. They’d played this venue before and she had a vague idea of where to go.

“We should go out again soon,” Joey offered as he slipped on a pair of sunglasses.

“Yeah,” Hayley tried to remain casual, “it was fun.”

“Sorry that I pushed you to dance with that guy,” he continued, cringing with guilt. “I didn’t realise the Taylor thing and –”

“What?” Hayley cut him off, coughing roughly for a moment as he caught her off guard.

“You okay?” Joey asked concerned.

Hayley waved a hand and cleared her throat of the lingering irritation. “Fine,” she stated, eyes still wide. “Go back, what did you just say?”

“Taylor,” Joey repeated, “I didn’t mean to step on his toes.”

Hayley gaped for a second as she searched for a response. “Joe, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she chuckled awkwardly, fumbling with a loose piece of hair.

“Hayley,” he cut her off, “you’re a grown woman, you can sleep and have fun with whoever you want,” he said simply. “I just didn’t know. About Taylor that is.”

“How did you –” Hayley fumbled, still confused.

“I saw you two leave the bar and he didn’t come back,” he said simply, “he’s been in a weird mood since so I just assumed. Plus, I stand behind him every night. He can try to hide it from everyone else but I could see that his head was basically about to explode in Houston.”

“Houston?”

“The hot guy during Misery Business,” Joey explained.

Hayley’s mouth formed into a perfect ‘O’ before she cringed. He’d left the venue and headed straight to the bus after that show, only a night after the blow-up. “Yeah, I guess that didn’t help,” she groaned, rubbing her hand over her brow.

“Probably not,” Joey agreed quietly. “Do you think he’ll get past it?”

“I don’t know,” Hayley huffed in awkward laughter. “Most of the time he seems fine. I’d say I’m trying to fix it, but it doesn’t seem like he thinks anything needs fixing.”

Joey hummed in acknowledgement, leaving them to walk in silence for a moment before he turned to look at her. “Do you want to him too?” he asked gently.

Hayley swallowed as she forced herself to look him in the eye. Her chin felt heavy as she bit into her bottom lip. “Yes,” she mumbled, unprepared for the spike of emotion, “I do.”

“Tell him then,” Joey said softly, pulling her into his side as they rounded the corner to the coffee shop. “I don’t fully understand what the situation is, but you’ve got to tell him.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, barely audible. If only it was that simple.

“You mean everything to him, H.”

Hayley nodded, pursing her lips to stop them from wobbling. The guilt and sadness were still overwhelming her even though others still had hope. She wished it was as simple as Joey was making it out to be.

“Hey,” Joey said, looking down to see her where she was tucked into his body. “I’m sorry,” he apologised quickly, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s okay Joe,” Hayley shook it off, forcing a wet smile onto her face. “I’m just a mess” she laughed, wiping the stray tears from her cheeks. "Gross. I've cried too much recently," she said, swallowing her emotions before continuing, “he seems fine, so I don’t know what else to do except go with it. I can’t force him to be upset if he’s not,

Joey clearly didn’t buy it, but he smiled anyway. “Listen, I’ll get your order,” he said, holding open the door for her, “whatever you want is on me.”

Hayley tried to tell him that wasn’t necessary before she was cut off.

“Hayley,” Justin called, holding up a hand and smiling, “Joey.”

Hayley turned to look in the direction of his voice and managed to catch herself before she faulted at the sight of Taylor, who remained unfazed.

“Jump in on our order,” he continued, waving them over through the crowded shop.

Hayley smiled politely as Joey pressed a comforting hand to her lower back, gently pushing her forward to where the brothers stood.

“Hey,” Hayley said, smiling lightly as she stood close to Taylor, trying to avoid the customers with hot drinks.

He nodded and smiled at the two. “Hey.”

Hayley couldn’t pinpoint the look on his face, but she knew it wasn’t lost on either of them that they hadn’t been this physically close in a week. His brow quirked in amusement as Hayley scanned his face, almost questioning why she would be confused. That same heat from earlier this morning flashed indignantly at his attitude. Why shouldn’t she be confused at his friendly behaviour, when any normal person in his situation should want nothing to do with her.

“ ‘Cuse me,” a large man said in a gruff southern voice, roughly pushing past with his order.

“Woah,” Hayley frowned at his rudeness as she stumbled closer into Taylor. The large hands on her hips to steady her shot tingles across her skin immediately. Hayley glanced up as Taylor blinked at their friends before shifting back quickly. “Sorry.”

“Hayley?” Joey asked, snapping her attention away from Taylor’s relaxed smile.

“What?” Hayley asked, confused what he could want before she remembered their surroundings and stepped out of Taylor’s space. “Oh. Can I get a tea please?” she asked the man politely.

The man checked the order on the screen before looking back to her. “Another?” he inquired, “I think your boyfriend ordered one already,” he said, flicking his eyes to Taylor.

Hayley gaped and felt her cheeks burn red. That was the last thing she needed someone to say today. What was it about them that made people immediately assume that?

“Oh. Yeah,” Taylor confirmed, pulling down the brim of his hat, revealing his embarrassment as all eyes in the group snapped to him. “A mistake, sorry. Automatic, I guess” he rambled. “We aren’t together,” he said politely to the server, almost laughing before turning to Hayley, “but feel free to take it, H,” he offered with a smile, “no point in wasting it.”

Hayley could feel the colour drain out of her face at his words. Her insides stung, even at his kind words. How was he so relaxed at the server’s mistake? A week ago, that would have set him off, drawing attention to everything that he wanted but Hayley wouldn’t let him have. She resisted the urged to grab him and demand answers, to ask exactly how he’d got over it so quickly when she felt like dying inside. How he’d just flipped a switch on all the feelings that had been building up for the past year.

“Oh,” it was the server’s turn to blush, drawing Hayley’s attention away from Taylor. “really sorry about that. Your drinks will be ready in a minute.”

“I’m gonna wait outside,” Taylor flicked his eyes to his brother before grabbing his coffee, “try and get some more sun,” before smiling at the group and leaving. Hayley looked to see if the tense line of his shoulders had returned. It hadn’t.

“Weird, what’s got him in such a good mood?” Justin laughed as he left. He looked to Hayley and then Joey, who subtly shook his head.

Justin raised in his brows in some sort of understanding and nodded. “Uh, I’ll see you guys back at the venue, I guess,” he said, grabbing his drinks before leaving to catch up with his brother.

Hayley chewed on her lip and stared straight ahead as they waited, unable to drag herself out of her head. The words had hurt more than she imagined. The sick unease she’d felt since that night at the club only worsened as she imagined how Taylor must have felt whilst they were messing about.

And it wasn’t just the words. Was it really over that fast? He didn’t seem the slightest bit upset anymore, after a month of him practically begging for them to make it more official. He’d been so devasted by the way she’d treated him and now it was like it had never even happened. Like they had never even happened. The porch kiss, the talk, the club. Nothing.

It was the sudden steadying pressure of Joey’s hand on her back that eventually brought her back to reality.

“Hey,” he said softly, “Let’s sit down,” pulling her to an empty table and sliding a paper bag with food in it towards her. “We don’t need to head back yet.”

Hayley stared at the bag for a moment before she blinked. She’d forgotten how hungry she was.

“So the situation is more complicated than I thought,” Joey tried lightly.

Hayley snorted morbidly and shook her head. “Yep,” she muttered darkly, “tell me about it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thank you for the response to the last chapter, it was really encouraging to see. This chapter has quite frequent mentions of alcohol (based off Hayley's interviews about the drinking on the AL tours) so if you're sensitive to that then just bare that in mind. Nothing is particularly dramatic or extensive however I felt it was worth pointing out.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

“Thank you!” Hayley called into the microphone one last time, waving to the crowd as she followed her bandmates off stage.

It was a mutual agreement between the group that summer tours were superior to the alternatives, that they would take sweaty shows over freezing cold pit stops at gas stations any day but it didn’t stop Hayley cringing as a heavy, damp arm dropped over her shoulders.

“Nice show, H” Zac huffed, accepting a bottle of water from one of the crew. “I’m soaking after that workout.”

Hayley laughed and wrapped an arm around his waist. “You’re so sticky,” she squirmed, grinning as he shook his hair like a dog. “Man, I’ve not been so gross from a show in years,” she agreed, wiping the river of sweat off her brow that had accumulated over the show.

“You’re looking a bit red, there,” Zac noted as they stepped into the fluorescent light of the venue hallway.

“Probably just sun from today. Or maybe the shot,” Hayley shrugged it off, accepting the offered bottle from Zac anyway. “I’ll grab a shower and cool down anyway.”

Zac hummed in agreement as they walked together through the venue, knowing what only a shot of alcohol could do to his friend. “Do you know what the plans are for tonight?”

“Hotel? Bus, maybe? I don’t know,” Hayley concluded, “I think Mike said we have time tonight though.”

“Nice. I need something to do to get rid of this energy before we crash for the night,” Zac grinned. His face lit up as the rounded the next corner, “Taylor! T!” he cried.

The man in question turned as his name was called and grinned back at his friend. Hayley plastered a smile on to match the group.

“Nice shirt,” Zac laughed, nodding at the large dark stain across Taylor shirt.

“Nice hair,” Taylor shot back, grinning at Zac’s sweaty hair, slicked back over his head. “Good show tonight, H,” he added as he allowed Zac to pull him under his free arm.

“Thanks,” she nodded, taking another sip to busy her hands. Maybe Taylor could act like everything was fine, but that didn’t mean she could accept it comfortably. “T, do you have any plans for tonight?”

Taylor didn’t fault at the question that was until only recently their personal signal for meeting up at either of their hotel rooms. It was a shot in the dark to get a reaction from him and much to Hayley’s annoyance he shrugged as he reached for the nearly empty water bottle, “Nothing particular. Maybe just hang out with everyone?”

“Right,” she muttered low enough so the boys wouldn’t hear as the trio disbanded to separate into the dressing room. She let the rejection slide, knowing it was a half-hearted attempt at best. This was how it had been for over a week now, she just needed to get used to it, as much as she wished she didn’t have to.

The room was loud with chatting and music as everyone dispersed to grab their things. “Hey,” Brian called, waving her dressing room bag above his head as he scrolled through his laptop, “I’ve got it all here.”

Hayley sighed and headed over to him. “Thanks,” she mumbled as she reached for the bag.

“You good?” Brian asked, “You look hot. Like red, I mean,” he frowned.

“Fine,” Hayley waved off his concern, “just a hot show. I need a shower and then I’ll be good.”

“Right,” Brian conceded. He shuffled on the sofa and pulled out a bottle of prosecco from his side, “well hurry back because I got this for us,” he grinned. “The labs sent back approval on the samples, so I want to celebrate. And I want to open it before all the guys are back from the showers.”

“Yeah?” Hayley grinned, pleased for the company. “Okay give me ten minutes and I’ll be back. Find some cups, maybe some ice if it’s warm,” she commented as she headed towards the door.

“You got it,” he agreed as he settled back into the sofas to scroll on his phone.

Hayley dug through the bag to find her makeup remover amongst the many bottles she brought on tour. The combination of stage makeup and sweat was gross after a few hours and she was ready to scrub it off so she could finally shower. The heat from the Texas evening coupled with putting on a good show had drained her body, so the shower was calling to her and her aching muscles. And if the prospect of bubbles with Brian had anything to do with her eagerness to get through the process, then she wasn’t going to dwell on that.

She got her drinking in control over the past few tours after a couple of months of taking it too far to numb her mind from darker thoughts, but she couldn’t deny that a few drinks with the guys made touring more fun. The pre-encore tequila shots on the side of the stage that they’d made a tradition gave her a burst for the last few songs, loosened up her moves as they brought the show to a close. And if it made her feel free and grown-up after years of watching everyone bond over drinks without her, then she wasn’t going to apologise for that. She was slowly building her tolerance to match the boys, though everyone knew the shots affected her more than the rest of them, made obvious by the giddiness and lyric slips in the encore songs but she didn’t mind. It was safe with them and she had fun, a soft haze made everything simpler and brought back the confidence she’d lost in the past few years.

She worked through getting her body and hair clean quickly, adjusting the temperature down to cool her hot face. Satisfied with her work, she shut the water off and climbed out of the stall, drying her body and pulling on her clean clothes. Gathering her things and checking over first to see if she’d missed something, she switched off the lights to the women’s bathroom and headed back towards the dressing room.

“A beer in the shower?” she laughed as Logan walked past, the bottle in one hand, a towel in the other.

“Embracing the rock and roll lifestyle,” he supplied, lifting the bottle in cheers.

Hayley smirked and nodded solemnly. “Paramore tours will do that to you.”

Logan laughed. “Absolutely. Pure sex, drugs and rock and roll.”

Hayley snorted at their band's lameness as she reached the dressing room door. “Go get your shower, rock star,” she grinned, “I think Zac wants to hang when everyone’s done in the showers.”

The dressing room music was still playing as she entered, but the room was quieter than before. “They all went out for a smoke,” Brian stated as he watched her look around.

Hayley nodded and dropped her belongings into her bag. “Did you get cups?” She grinned as Brian held up the pint glasses in answer. “Shit, they’re huge,” she laughed as he poured the bubbles into the glass.

“These were the best I could find,” he shrugged as he handed over her glass, “who cares anyway. It’s a hotel night tonight, we can do whatever we want.”

They cheers’ed their drinks and took a sip. “Not bad,” Hayley offered, taking another sip. “Let’s sit, I’m beat,” she dropped onto the worn sofa, “we’ve got a while until all the guys will be ready to go anyway.”

\--

“Fuck,” Hayley laughed, as the empty bottle landed in the trash. “We got through that way too quickly.”

“Not our fault they take so long,” Brian shrugged shamelessly, swallowing a hiccup. “Are they all done now? Has everyone showered?” he nodded towards the rest of the band’s stray bags.

“I think so?” Hayley sniggered as he pulled his face, “I’m sorry! I can’t remember! It was the drinks, not me!”

“Useless woman,” Brian rolled his eyes with no malice.

“Come on, let’s go and see what’s happening,” Hayley offered, shouldering her bag. “They probably all came in at some point, we just missed them.”

They packed up and left the pint glasses on the table before leaving the room. The loud sound of chattering echoed through the corridor, seemingly coming from the open door at the end.

“That way?” Hayley suggested.

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes,” Brian laughed as she stated the obvious and pulled her by the hand. “Woah, feet on the ground please,” as she stumbled.

“Sorry,” she laughed, wrapping her arm around his waist for extra support. The shared bottle hadn’t gotten her drunk, but she was on the pleasant side of tipsy.

The guys were sat around outside as expected, bottles littering the ground as the distinct smell of cigarettes faded into the sky.

“Hey!” Zac cried, welcoming them into the circle. “You ready to head out soon? It’s a hotel night!”

Hayley grinned widely at his enthusiasm and nodded.

“Last night before we fly home,” Docky added, handing her a beer. It wasn’t her drink of choice, usually, she avoided it having not acquired a taste for it but she shrugged and took it, swallowing a mouthful.

“Oh shit!” Hayley laughed at the news as she cleared her mouth. After getting caught up in all the drama with Taylor and focusing on how to solve it, she’d completely forgotten they had a short break before the next leg of the tour. “We go home tomorrow!”

She was met with similar enthusiasm from her bandmates. Despite all the stress of being on tour, it was one of the highlights of their job but everyone needed rest, especially as they got older. Tour was fun, but home was comforting.

“You need a seat?” Justin asked as the group faded back into the conversation, shuffling to make room.

Hayley nodded and bounded over. The alcohol and excitement of the last night of the tour were kicking in and she could feel it pump in her veins.

“Woah, you good?” Justin grinned with wide eyes as she dropped down next to him. Hands caught her as she rocked back from the momentum, steadying her back upright.

Hayley beamed as she recognised the large hands against her back. “T!” she flushed, momentarily caught by surprise. She usually could find him anywhere in a room. “How‘re you doing?” she laughed in spite of herself, sipping from the beer again. She didn’t love the taste but for the first time in a week she wasn’t riddled with painful awkwardness around him and it was a relief.

Taylor nodded, impressed at her beer and raised his to cheers her. “I didn’t think you drank this stuff?” he asked, confused.

“Last night of tour,” she shrugged simply in explanation, flashing her teeth in a smile she hoped was charming. Her stomach heated pleasantly as his eyes crinkled and bobbed in agreement.

He turned back to the group as someone called his name for his opinion on something. Hayley vaguely caught snippets of conversations going on around her as she relaxed into the haze. The jarring taste of the beer had worn off as she worked through the bottle, almost enjoying it as she finished off the last third.

“Good work,” Taylor turned back to her as she clumsily dropped it to the ground. She grinned too wide as the bottle didn’t smash, squawking with pride as it eventually stopped wobbling.

“Are you proud?” she asked, words slurring around the edges.

He shifted and gave her a not-completely-sober pat on the back. “You’re a pro.”

The warm heat dripped in her stomach as they looked at each other. Maybe friendly Taylor wasn’t such a bad thing, maybe this was the way she could solve their issues. For some reason it made more sense for him to not want to argue with her, she realised now. They could never get back to where she wanted them to be if he wasn’t speaking to her. It could be the jumbled disorientated brain speaking, but this could a sign he wanted to work this out as well.

The urge to indignantly scream at Brian as he called Taylor’s attention away from her was hard to push down. She could feel her eyes narrow involuntarily at her friend. Taylor was paying attention to her, and she was returning it back. Who did Brian think he was, getting in the way of them talking? She had just enough sense left not to voice that, but she was ready to give him a mouthful when they got back to the hotel.

“Ten minutes and we’re rolling out,” Mike called out through the door. “Clear up and head the buses sometime soon, guys.”

He left in a huff of laughter as Joey cried, “whatever you say, Mike,” whilst Zac blew uncoordinated kisses after him, drunkenly professing his love for their manager. The pair snickered to each other as he disappeared from sight, dismissing them like naughty children.

Hayley grinned. She loved her friends. So much. God, she loved her job and her band and her everything about right now. She looked at her empty hands and frowned, confused where her drink went. Did she finish it recently? She snorted to herself at the speed her brain was flicking through thoughts.

Her eyes widened with an idea. “Hey!” she called out to the group at large, “did we finish the tequila? You can’t take an open bottle on a flight so..” she trailed off suggestively, hoping they’d catch her drift.

There was a whoop and a fumble as Docky reached down by the chair he’d found and pulled up the open bottle. “I reckon there’s enough for one each other?” he guessed, squinting with one eye to see in the dim light.

A mix of cheers and groans sounded out.

“Neat?” Taylor asked since their requested lime slices had been used up in the encore.

“It’ll be fine,” Zac slurred, reaching for the bottle. He swigged quickly, wincing only slightly as he swallowed. Hayley watched and cheered as the bottle moved around the circle, laughing loudly as her friends gagged and swallowed the harsh liquid.

As the bottle made its way into Taylor's hands, Hayley whooped and drummed her hands against his shoulders. He smirked at her enthusiasm before steeling himself for the shot. Hayley felt her eyes drift unapologetically to the strong line of his jaw as he chucked it back, swallowing with only a small grimace. She swallowed roughly and coughed as her breath hitched in her throat.

“You still want some?” Taylor asked, suddenly sounding concerned. Hayley nodded and steadied herself, reaching and grabbing the bottle slightly too forcefully.

“Um, is this a good idea?” Brian chimed in, glancing down as some of the liquor splashed next to her old, empty bottle.

Hayley frowned at him and looked to Taylor. “Do you want me to?” she asked, suddenly feeling like his permission was important.

Taylor paused and watched her for a moment, frowning in confusion. God, she hoped she was looking good at that moment. “Sure, if you want some then it’s up to you.”

Hayley grinned so widely at his words and nodded. It felt like a message, she thought before swallowing a mouthful. The liquid burned as it travelled down her throat, but she smiled regardless.

“This is fun!” she cried, passing the bottle to Justin who sighed in resignment.

“Right,” Brian sighed wearily as he stood, reaching to pull Hayley up by her armpits as she let go of the bottle. “Let’s start to go get stuff for the bus, you need a walk.”

Hayley frowned, disappointed to leave her friends but she followed regardless. “Hey, happy last night of tour,” she pointed out as they entered the fluorescent lighted corridor. “Or last night of tour for a few days at least. I think,” she slurred slowly, waiting for her brain to produce an accurate sentence. She repeated it back to herself, pausing for a moment before she was confident her words made sense.

“Hand,” Brian demanded from hers, pulling her alongside him. “And I think you’re cut off now, for tonight anyway.”

“Why?” Hayley whined, pouting like a child.

“I can tell you’ve had enough,” Brian flicked his eyes to her as he gathered some bags from the dressing room. “Sit for a moment,” he pointed to the sofa from earlier.

Hayley followed the instruction without argument and flopped down. “Woah,” she laughed quietly as her head span pleasantly from the sudden movement.

“I thought you were mad at Taylor?” Brian asked quietly.

“I’m not mad,” she squawked indignantly, turning to try and locate where he was in the room.

Brian held his hands up in defence. “I’m just asking! I noticed you out there,” he pointed at her, “you certainly didn’t look you had any issues with him.”

“It’s because I had a revelation,” she stated obviously, disappointed Brian couldn't be able to read her mind.

“Oh really?” Brian responded distractedly, as he scanned the room. “And what was your revelation about?”

Hayley grinned at the thought and turned to him, breaking into giggles as he waited. “It’s about Taylor,” she blushed.

“Yeah, I assumed,” Brian sighed as he watched her, unimpressed by her drunken antics.

“I think that – ” Hayley stopped to hiccup, “I think that he’s being nice because he doesn’t want to fight,” she grinned. “I think this is how we sort it out. He’s over the argument, not over me,” she declared.

Brian hesitated before responding. “I thought only a few days ago you said he seemed over you entirely.”

“That was days ago,” Hayley scoffed, as she stumbled off the sofa to join him at the door. “This is now.”

“Hayley are you sure –”

“Yes I’m sure,” she cut him off, irritated by his lack of enthusiasm for her revelation. He can be supportive or get out, she thought.

“Okay,” Brian agreed, unwilling to argue with her in this state. “It’s your decision, you’re a grown woman.”

“I am.”

“Can you just tell me what’s made you think he’s open to it again?”

“Um,” Hayley frowned, “it was just obvious. To me anyway.” She didn’t feel like justifying herself right now, it was killing the fun haze from before.

“Okay, then,” Brian resigned, glad Hayley didn’t see his nervous glances as she swayed down the corridor. “If you think this is the way forward for you two, then there’s not much else I can say.”

Hayley hummed indignantly before running to catch up with the guys as they walked across to the buses. The wind felt cool on her skin, still warm from earlier. If she had enough sense to process it, it would have seemed weird that she never truly cooled down. She shrugged, unwilling to dwell on it whilst she was having fun. It’s probably just Texas air, she thought, as she sped up to clumsily jump onto Joey’s back.

The pair stumbled and giggled as they barely missed the ground before Joey drunkenly adjusted back into the centre of his back.

“Giddiup!” she garbled, slapping his lower back as he galloped to the bus, ready to wait for the ride to the hotel.

\--

The night continued in Zac and Taylor’s room. The drink kept following as the group chatted amongst themselves, savouring each other’s company before they departed for a few days break.

Justin was the first to leave, giving the explanation of wanting to speak to Jana after the kids had gone to bed. Slowly, friends and crew floated out of the room, citing sleep and fresh air as their need to leave.

“You want to go soon?” Brian looked cautiously at Hayley, who was watching her friends with bleary eyes. “Hayley?” he sighed, trying to grab her attention, “I’m asking you a question.”

“Leave?” Hayley finally snapped her brain back into focus. “Now? But we are having so much fun here,” she smiled drowsily.

“You look like you could do with some sleep.”

“I’m fine,” she ungracefully waved him off. “I have plans anyway.”

“Plans?” Brian remained unimpressed.

“Yep,” Hayley insisted, glaring at him as if the conversation needed to be private.

Brian understood but sighed, looking around the room to try and demonstrate that they were in a room full of people, privacy was impossible in this situation. “Fine,” he rubbed his eyes, “I’m gonna head out. Call me if you need anything.”

Hayley smiled at her friend. He was irritated now but he’ll be over it when her plan works out.

“H, d’you want some water?” Zac asked as he stumbled off the bed.

“No, I’m good,” Hayley replied, smiling as he frowned sceptically. “I’m fine!” she insisted again, not for the first time since they had got back to the hotel.

Zac shrugged and stumbled to the bathroom, returning triumphantly with an overflowing glass of water. “I’ll drink this now and be good in the morning,” he mumbled, sipping the glass with both hands.

“You wanna bet?” Taylor snorted, his own eyes only barely openly.

Hayley snickered as she watched Zac process his own odds, eyes flicking from side to side as his brain work. “Yea? No?” he guessed. “I don’t know man,” he sighed, flopping back down onto the bed.

Taylor laughed, scrunching his nose in amusement at his best friend. Hayley grinned as she watched him. She loved drunk Taylor, he was so fun and loose. She loved him all the time, she clarified to herself, before quickly rushing past that thought. He was her best friend, of course she loved him, he just was never as carefree as she knew he could be. And he laughed a lot when he’d had a drink, she loved when he laughed. She winced as her brain span quickly through her internal ramblings

“I think you need sleep,” Taylor yawned, wiping his own eyes. “Hayley, how’re you doing?”

“What?” Hayley snapped out of her hazy thought ramble.

“Sleep,” Taylor clarified, “Do you want to go to bed?”

Hayley’s eyes widened in delight. “Now? You want to go now?”

Taylor shrugged like it was simple. The twist in Hayley’s stomach from earlier that evening tightened as he waited for her answer. That was definitely a signal. She’d been right. Brian hadn’t believed her when she’d insisted Taylor was over the fight but not over her, he’d try to play it off like it was her tipsy brain talking but she was right. If the warm twist in her stomach wasn't overloading her senses, she would have had been proud enough to be smug.

“Sure, I’ll walk you back,” he nodded, sliding his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and grabbing the jacket he’d taken to the venue. After gathering himself, he frowned puzzledly at Hayley as she sat in her chair, grinning at him through her eyelashes. “You ready to go now?” he asked as he moved to where Zac lay slumped on the bed, slipping off his friends shoes for comfort.

Hayley nodded and smiled, hoping it was a mix between flirty and coy. She paused as Taylor went back to get Zac comfortable, adjusting his head onto the pillow but shrugged it off, knowing he probably just wanted to be lowkey. During the month they’d been sleeping together, they’d kept it lowkey and to themselves. This must just be Taylor wanting to keep it lowkey.

After searching for her phone, which ended up being left right where she’d sat, she nodded to Taylor and gestured to the door. “Ready to go?”

Taylor raised a brow as she stumbled slightly. “I’m good, are you?”

Hayley hummed and blushed under his attention. “Perfect.”

“Okay, text me if you need,” he spoke slightly louder to Zac, Joey and Logan who were slumped on the beds. “I’m sure they’ll be fine,” he shrugged, turning his attention back to Hayley.

She laughed slightly too loud and headed to the door, eager to get the ball rolling.

The hallway was quiet as they stepped into it, only the soft sound of a tv coming from one of the rooms around them.

“What room number are you in?” Taylor asked as they started to walk.

“You’d like to know, huh?” Hayley grinned, trying to slip closer to him as she focused on walking straight down the corridor.

Taylor tilted his head and smirked in confusion. “Um, yeah?”

Hayley nodded, undeterred by his tone.

“So, do you know your room number then?” Taylor asked again, smiling as she grinned like it was a private joke. “Or are we just going to stay in the corridor all night?”

Hayley stopped and laughed, taking his words as a sign to step closer. “Not our usual scene but I’m okay with it,” she hummed, her voice low and suggestive.

Taylor’s blinked as his brow furrowed in confusion, emitting a short laugh as he looked down at her as she closed most of the distance between them. “What?” he asked lightly.

Throwing caution to the wind and confident in her suspicions, Hayley stepped forward once more until Taylor was pressed against the wall, her small body keeping him in place. “It’s only been like a week, but I missed this, T,” Hayley sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hayley – ”

Hayley hummed as she kissed the soft skin beneath his jaw, knowing it was a sensitive spot for him. “Mhm, we can talk about it later,” she murmured, peppering kisses along the exposed skin.

“Hayley wait – ”

Roaming her hands around his shoulders, Hayley pressed their hips together and barely held back the moan at the feeling of his hands grabbing her hips. “That’s it,” she practically purred, scratching through the hairs at the base of his neck like she knew he liked. It was strange how all of this was muscle memory when she’d had to focus so hard on walking only seconds before.

“Can we just – ” Taylor barely grounded out through his tight voice.

Hayley used her hands on his neck to angle his face, finally catching sight of his wide eyes. “Less talking,” she murmured, finally bring his face down to her lips.

Their lips touched for only a second before a cold sense of dread seeped through her veins, as the hands on her hips pushed her back.

“No, I’m sorry Hayley,” Taylor’s eyes were bulging as he shook his head, “I don’t want that.”

She blinked. Her cheeks burned as the sick feeling of embarrassment and rejection sank into her stomach. “Shit,” she gaped, looking anywhere but at him.

“Listen, Hayley, it’s fine,” Taylor tried quickly, shifting about where he stood against the wall. “I just think it’s better for us to be friends, you know.”

Hayley couldn’t disagree anymore even as she barely registered to his words. “Oh my god,” she hissed over and over again.

“It just isn’t going to work between us,” Taylor tried to smile. She could barely look at him, but the smile seemed somewhat genuine. "I thought it would just be easier if things went back to normal."

“Sure, okay,” Hayley mumbled, looking about for her room. She couldn’t care less about hearing the reasons he didn’t want her. The haze that had clouded her brain earlier had lifted, and the safety blanket of alcohol couldn’t keep her skin burning with shame. “Just ignore all this,” she rushed out, panting with panic, “guess I read some signals wrong. Silly me,” she laughed despite feeling she was going to burst into tears at any moment, searching more frantically for the room.

“No, Hayley wait,” Taylor tried again. “Let’s talk about it, it’s my fault I didn’t make things clear.”

“That’s the last thing I want right now,” she spat out.

“We need to know where we stand,” Taylor argued back, trying to keep his tone light.

“Just friends,” Hayley stated bitterly like it had always been obvious, “I get that now. I know exactly where we stand. Crystal clear even.”

Taylor sighed. “Hayley, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she cut him off, “it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have assumed that you still – ” Hayley’s voice caught as she spoke. He really didn’t want her anymore. She’d messed up so bad that he didn’t want her. “I need to go, speak to Brian maybe. I don’t know, I just need to go.”

Taylor groaned as she stopped at a door and knocked harshly. “Are you sure we can’t just talk – ”

“Maybe that would have been useful before now,” Hayley spluttered out, desperate for Brian to open the door soon. “Maybe I wouldn’t have just made a huge mistake if you had just explained what was going on this week, instead of acting like we’re best friends and nothing ever happened.”

“We are best friends!”

“That’s not the point!” she exclaimed, barely keeping her wet eyes from spilling over as shame turned into anger. “You made me think that everything was okay! I’ve just made a massive fucking fool of myself because I’m not a mind reader and maybe I'm drunk and thought you being nice was a signal,” she rambled, “but clearly I’m wrong and you don’t want me.” She paused as her voice wobbled. “But excuse me if I don’t want to stand around and listen to all the reasons you don’t.”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Brian asked as he opened the doors, his sleepy eyes widening as he took in Hayley’s red, damp cheeks. “Did something happen?”

Taylor stood silently, still against the wall as he toyed with the lip, unable to make eye contact with the two.

“It’s fine,” Hayley insisted and shoved back Brian to get into the room, her legs weak from the shame and drinks.

Brian stood silently in the doorway as he watched her pass, and quietly flicked his eyes over to Taylor. His shoulders were tense as he breathed heavily.

“I’ll talk to her,” Brian spoke quietly. “Get some sleep T,” he offered before shutting the door.

The corridor was silent as Taylor stood still, clenching his jaw over and over again as he processed what just happened. He felt angry with shame as he thought about the night. He knew he hadn’t led her on by any degree tonight but she was right about the past week. Burying his feelings and acting like it was all okay wasn’t going to work, not for them.

Dragging his hands through his hair, he groaned in frustrations and crouched into a ball for a moment, unsure what to do with himself. Thinking about the look on Hayley’s face as he moved her off him made him feel sick, but he couldn’t stop his brain from replying it over and over again. He felt angry with himself for letting it get this far.

Clenching his hands into fists and releasing them, he stood and fumbled in his pocket for his phone. He scrolled hurriedly to find what he needed.

“Hey, are you up?” he barely got out, unaware he’d been holding his breath that whole time. A lump formed in his throat at the sound of his brother’s concerned voice. “No, no I’m fine,” he weakly insisted. “Can I come and see you; I really need to talk to someone.”

He waited and almost melted in relief at the sound of his brothers comforting words, the sound of the duvet rustling in the background. He nodded and ran a shaky hand across his mouth, “Okay I’ll be there in a sec.” he spoke into the phone, “I just really need to grab some beers before I talk about this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another one done lol. Please let me know what you think, and if it's all coherent this far. I feel like I've portrayed Taylor as a more passive, willing to hide his feelings for certain sakes character so I hope it's clear why he's been acting like he has.
> 
> Anyway please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry for the delay lol! I can only blame it on the return to university and general procrastination.
> 
> I hope everyone loved the new album drop and maybe gets some new ideas to write! I hope to do more in the future with it but for now I need focus on updating this when I can lol.
> 
> This is definitely a more filler chapter than plot driven, however I'm hoping to get the next one done a lot sooner so I hope you enjoy!

The acidic feeling of dread settled in only seconds after Hayley cracked a bleary eye open. She frowned against the pillow her face was firmly planted into as she focused on breathing through the sensation. Any other day and she would have blamed it on the drinks from the night before, but the sharp lump in her throat made it impossible to stop the images from corridor only hours ago stop churning through her brain.

Hayley groaned heavily as she sat up and pushed the errant hairs out of her face.

“Morning,” Brian’s voice broke through the silence.

Hayley winced and waved in response.

“Feeling rough?” Brian asked as he packed clothes into their cases. “There’s water on the table if you want.”

Hayley nodded and mumbled her thanks as she felt out for the cup. The water didn’t do much to settle the churning dread in her stomach, but it cut through the rough scratch of her dry throat.

“Thanks,” she repeated as she wiped the dehydrated saliva off her lips.

“I know you’re not going to want to move right now,” Brian started, “but we’re due downstairs in half an hour.”

Hayley grimaced as her stomach turned again. All she wanted right now was to be alone at home with Alf, away from everyone who wanted her to talk or explain her feelings. Away from boys who didn’t want to hear them.

“Hayley,” Brian tried again, “get in the shower and you’ll feel better.”

“Wanna bet?” she snorted humourlessly.

“If I was a betting man, then no I wouldn’t put money on a shower solving all your problems right now, but it’s all we’ve got time for right now, so I’d get out of bed if I were you. I don’t want to sit next to you on the plane back if you’ve not showered that hangover off.”

Hayley squinted up at her friend, blocking the light from the open curtains with her hand. He was staring at her with his tough love glare, but she could see it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Anyone else wouldn’t have caught it, but Hayley could see the hint of concern in his eyes. She gulped as she wondered whether it was pity.

Something about looking at her friend’s face cracked something inside of her. “Fuck,” she puffed, dropping her head. “B, I really fucked up.”

To his credit, Brian had every right to say he’d told her so, but she was grateful that he only nodded with understanding. “Do you want to talk about last night now or when you’re feeling better?”

Hayley pressed her face into her hands as she groaned. “I never want to talk about it again.”

“Judging by what I saw last night,” Brian began, “you won’t have a band left if you refuse to talk about it.”

Hayley groaned loader and glared at her friend.

“Sorry but I’ve never seen the two of you like that, and you’ve both had your moments in the past,” Brian pointed out, “you can’t avoid this one.”

“He’s going to hate me.”

“Hayley, he’s not going to hate you.”

“I’ve made everything so much worse,” she shook her head, pulling the duvet around her body. “I took a chance and he rejected me. How am I meant to get past that?”

“What?” Brian’s eyes widened. “You did what?”

“I read the signals wrong,” Hayley swallowed. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Well, clearly I wasn’t,” she reflected bitterly, wincing slightly as her head throbbed. “I got it into my head that he was being nice because it was easier to start hooking up again like that than if we were fighting or ignoring each other.”

Brian nodded slowly in understanding. “You asked and he said no?”

“I didn’t ask,” her cheeks burned in embarrassment, “I just went in for the kill and he pushed me back a few seconds later.”

“Wow,” Brian eventually said, “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

Hayley grimaced and reached for the cup of water again to occupy her hands. “I don’t think there’s anything to say,” she mumbled as she took a sip. “He doesn’t want me and there’s nothing else to it.”

Brian tilted his head in disagreement, but Hayley waved a shaky hand at him. “Don’t,” she said, pushing back the duvet to stand on weak legs. “You didn’t see his face after it happened. There’s no coming back from that.”

Brian bit his lips as he watched her stumble to the bathroom. He could tell her about the devasted look on their friends face after she’d pushed her way out of the corridor, but she clearly didn’t want to hear it. He could offer all the advice in the world but it still wouldn’t sort out the complicated mess that was his friend’s relationship.

\--

The flight home passed with very few problems. Travelling through a busy Texas airport with a hangover wasn’t one of Hayley’s ideas of fun, but she got through it with a coffee, Advil and Brian standing by her side.

It felt like she barely saw Taylor the whole time, only catching glimpses of his dropped head, dark glasses firmly placed over his eyes as he trailed behind the rest of the group. The final airport trip of a tour stretch was always quiet as the band itched to get home, so Hayley made it through with limited conversation which she was grateful for. She doubted that Taylor would have told them what had happened, but he shared a room with Zac so she couldn’t risk much interaction without potentially being met with the same look of confusion she’d seen the night before.

Justin had smiled and made polite conversation as they waited at the gate. It warmed her heart to hear him talk about his girls and how much he missed them whilst on tour, and she vaguely agreed to come over and see Nora soon.

Brian had pulled her into the seat next to him and allowed her to sleep on his shoulder. It was a short flight but the rest helped numb the ache in her head. They’d made quick time through Nashville Airport, barely waving to the guys after they grabbed their bags

“Straight home?” Brian asked as he waved down a taxi.

“Please,” Hayley sighed.

Brian relayed their addresses to the driver and sat back in his seat. They drove in silence through the city, Hayley staring out the window as Brian fiddled with his phone.

“Is it worth me asking what you’re going to do with your time off?” Brian barely looked up from the screen.

“Bed. Alf. I don’t know,” Hayley mumbled.

Brian watched as she picked at the skin on her fingers with her teeth. He knew her. She was going to sit at home with Alf and do the bare minimum to keep herself going, maybe speak to her mom but never tell her what was going on. “Are you going to speak to Taylor?”

Hayley shot him a glare.

“We can drop it,” Brian offered, “but I don’t see what that solves.”

“It solves the fact that I never want to think about the most embarrassing moment of my life again,” Hayley smiled sarcastically.

“So where do you go from there then?” Brian asked.

“B,” Hayley sighed, the line of questioning only exhausting her more. “Don’t.”

Brian rolled his eyes and turned to watch the similar streets pass by. He loved his friend, but her stubbornness could make him want to scream sometimes.

They sat in silence for the rest of the drive, the tension only broken with a harsh cough by Hayley.

“Are you okay?” Brian asked in surprise.

Hayley blinked at the force of it. “Yeah,” she brushed it off, “just been feeling rough for the past few days.”

Brian nodded as the similar sight of the houses on Hayley’s street came into view.

“Right,” Hayley sighed, dropping her phone into her bag as she yanked open the door, “I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Call or text me,” Brian called out the car, “if you need.”

Hayley stopped the door just before it shut. She bit her lip as she matched concerned Brian’s gaze.

“Look, I’m sorry,” she shook her head, disappointed in her own behaviour. “None of this is your fault. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

Brian shrugged and smiled. “Don’t worry about it, I get it,” he offered, glancing quickly to the driver who was shuffling impatiently. “Don’t beat yourself up. Just get some rest and talk to me or someone else if you need.”

Hayley smiled gratefully and blew him a kiss. He was too nice to her, even when she didn’t deserve it. “Love you, B.”

She shut the car door and swallowed the thickness in her throat as she waved at the departing car. The effect of the drinks the night before had mostly subsided, but the brightness of the Tennessee summer sun uncomfortably pierced into her eyes, warming her skin too much under her jacket.

She grabbed the luggage and pulled it up the drive and over the stairs, dropping them as she searched for the keys. The familiar sight of the green front door settled something in her that had been aching over the last few days, and she could barely get the keys in the lock fast enough.

The house was quiet as she walked through the door.

She looked around as she dropped a bag on the sofa. The house was slowly coming together with subtle bursts of colour from the ornaments and furniture she’d bought since moving in and the smell of citrus hung in the air from the reed diffuser she’d left out over tour. It was finally starting to feel like her own space and yet she couldn’t shake the feeling the house still felt too empty.

The sight of a lone dog toy on the floor clenched her heart, reminding her that even her one constant companion wasn’t here. She sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. Her mom wasn’t due back with Alf for a few more hours. After the past few tour breaks, they’d made a deal that her mom would fetch Alf from Chad to save Hayley from having to see him. It wasn’t that she couldn’t face him, but watching Alf run to into his house was too hard on her heart and she didn’t like feeling like a guilty parent who forced separation on her children.

Sighing to herself, Hayley slumped onto the sofa and closed her eyes. She knew she’d probably sleep better upstairs in her real bed, but she couldn’t muster the energy to get up there. The ache from tour settled into her bones as she melted into the cushions, reminding her once again that she wasn’t eighteen anymore. The last few tour nights had been worse than usual, feeling too hot after shows and the lingering cough scratching her throat more than she’d like to admit. With everything going on she’d ignored the signs, and now she lay alone in her house feeling like death it was obvious that her body wasn't right.

Hayley audibly groaned at the realisation she was probably getting sick. It was the last thing she needed right now, and she wanted to finish the last stretch of the tour with no other problems, Taylor excluded. She wasn’t one to let a show get cancelled without reason but performing whilst sick was always taxing.

Rubbing the inside of her eyes and massaging her temples, Hayley settled into the cushions and shut her eyes. Maybe it was wishful thinking to hope a nap would solve her problems but she couldn’t bring herself to unpack or take a shower right now. Besides, she mentally justified, this way she would definitely be around to hear her mom arrive with Alf.

\--

The setting felt hazy and warm, but she could tell by the soft white walls that she was in her bedroom.

Hayley felt an easy smile spread on her face as she shifted, appreciating the support of her mattress on her sore muscles. A small itch of her brain considered how she’d got there but she shook off the thoughts, too content to let the logical side of her brain win. She hadn’t felt so safe in her own bed in years.

A shift on the mattress behind her caught her by surprise, releasing a soft puff of air in response. It was only when a large hand pulled her back that she noticed her skin was bare and free from clothing. That section of her brain flickered again at this, knowing she was never the type to sleep naked unless..

She looked down and recognised the large gold signet ring and smiled. The smell of him was so vivid in her brain now, and the slow movement of the large hands was familiar. She hummed contentedly and rolled to her other side to face him.

The sight of Taylor’s sleeping face against her pillow was admittedly a rare sight for her, having denied him that every time except once, but she relaxed at the comfort it brought her to see him at peace. She reached a handout and combed through the loose curls and grinned as he shifted in his sleep.

“Mornin’” she murmured, excited to talk to him again.

She watched as his eyes fluttered open and blinked into focus. As soft grin spread on his face and he opened his mouth, Hayley’s chest tightened in anticipation.

Then the sound of a doorbell echoed into her brain as she jerked awake.

Hayley blinked and stared at the green door, unable to process what had just happened. The dreamy vision had been just that. A dream.

“Fuck,” Hayley mumbled, wiping drool off her chin as she combed through the messy hair that had knotted against the pillow. “Coming,” she called out as the door rang again.

“Hey!” her mom grinned as she opened the door.

Hayley blinked at her and the surrounding before the drag of claws down her leg pulled her into reality.

“Hey, sorry,” she blushed at her mom in apology. “Hey there, bud,” she knelt down to hug her dog, smiling against his soft curls.

She laughed as he squirmed excitedly in her arms, thrashing about in an attempt to lick her face.

“That’s the greeting I get?” Cristi laughed.

“Sorry,” Hayley jumped up, letting Alf run into the house as she wrapped her mom in a hug.

She’d always been close with her mum, after everything they’d been through together it was impossible not to be, but she couldn’t help but feel a sense of safety as she squeezed her tighter.

Cristi sensed this and returned the hug. “Hey,” she soothed, “are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Hayley squeezed once more and stepped back. “Nothing,” she waved off her concern, keeping her voice steady. She could tell her everything about the situation with Taylor, but she couldn’t have another person look at her with pity in their eyes. “I just missed you.”

“I missed you too,” her mom beamed, rubbing a soothing hand up her back as she shut the door behind them. “What time did you get back?”

“Earlier this morning,” Hayley responded, stroking through Alf’s fur as he came to greet her once again.

“Oh really?” Cristi glanced down at the still packed bags by the door. “What’ve you been up to?”

Hayley focused her attention on the dog in front of her, hoping it would hide the heat in her cheeks. She definitely wasn’t about to tell her mom that now she dreams about Taylor too. “Just needed a nap. Feeling a bit run-down after the tour.”

“You’re sick?” Cristi’s eyes widened, studying her daughter, “actually your cheeks do look red." She rushed over and tilted Hayley’s head up, laying a hand across her forehead. “Your head’s a bit hot as well, do you have anything in you can take? Do you need me to get you some groceries or something?”

“Mom, it’s fine,” Hayley shook her head, “I’ll be fine in a few days. It’s probably just exhaustion from touring.”

Criti frowned unconvinced but let it go. “Fine,” she relented, sitting down beside her on the sofa, “I guess the mom in me just likes to worry.”

Hayley smiled appreciatively. “It’s you’re job, I get it.”

“I do want you to keep a check on it thought. But anyway,” Cristi sat back into the sofa, “tell me about the tour, how was it?”

Hayley sat back and mentally edited out the parts she wasn’t willing to share just yet. “It was good,” she smiled almost truthfully. “Let me find this video I took,” she said, pulling out her phone, “Joey will make you laugh.”

\--

The rest of the evening had passed uneventfully after her mom had left. She insisted on making Hayley dinner which she appreciated before leaving her alone with Alf. The pair had sat together all night, watching tv and on facetime with her sisters, catching up on their lives before slowing making their way up to her bedroom.

The room was dark when she finally entered and she couldn’t help but feeling lonely in comparison to the sensation in the dream earlier that day. After working through her nighttime rituals, she pulled back the covers and slid into the untouched bed. The sheets were cold from lack of use and her small frame felt even tinier alone in the bed.

“Alf,” she called to her dog as he settled on the rug. “Get up, come on,” she encouraged, patting the space next to her.

She smiled as he padded over and settled into her side, yawning in her face before moving closer.

She lay there quietly and watched his chest rise and fall, lulling her into drowsiness. Man, she was thankful for him and it still constantly surprised her how much she relied on her dog for comfort and company. He would never realise how much she needed him, and in times like these she was reminded over it. The soft snores that rumbled from her dog’s nose were soothing rather than annoying and helped fill the space of the otherwise empty house.

She blinked harshly and pushed away the thoughts that she was alone. It wasn’t lost of her that only maybe two months ago she would have been texting with Taylor as she prepared to go to sleep, talking about random topics that made them laugh and now she was lying in the dark and her phone was silent. The urge to check it was immense, just in case he was thinking the same thing and had reached out, but she knew she would just be disappointed. He wasn’t going to text her. She knew him better than anyone and she knew he’d be wallowing at home as well. After the way she’d left things the night before, it was inevitable he was going to revert back into his brooding silence like after that night at his house.

She groaned when she thought about how it was all going to play out. She wanted to scream when she thought about what she did last night, but she was also mad at him too. She was definitely to blame for the way she acted but he was running from their problems by acting like they didn’t exist. They flip-flopped so often now she couldn’t even think of how they were going to solve it when neither of them could get into a headspace where they were willing to talk it out.

Whenever he was all in, she wanted to avoid the reality of their feelings. And now she felt ready, he wouldn’t let them acknowledge it.

The ache in her head throbbed as she shuffled into a new position.

She was sick, alone and grieving something that never even really had its chance to thrive. Her chest hurt as she felt her chin quiver, before swallowing the lump her throat that threatened to choke her.

A harsh cough ripped through her, forcing her to sit up as she waited for the air to fill her lungs again. She heaved breathes in her lungs settled, only jumping at the weight of a soft paw landing on her arm. In the darkness she could see Alf’s tilted head staring at her with concern.

“Sorry bud,” she cooed guilty, running a soothing hand over his fur. “I’m fine,” she said, smiling lightly at the irony.

Her dog seemed to trust her and lay back down. She leant over and pressed a kiss again his head, reminding herself that she wasn’t as alone as she thought.

Sighing heavily once more, she pulled up the covers and fell asleep.

\--

_> J York- Hey, can we meet up for a chat?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there we go, I hope you enjoyed it! i tried to include some references to lyrics in the new album so let me know if you caught them! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, i love hearing what you think so let me know! x


	4. Chapter 4

It only took a few messages back and forth before Hayley realised Justin wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She tried to play the sick card and the busy with Good Dye Young card but to no effect, Justin wasn’t interested in letting her get out meeting up with him.

Under any other circumstances, she would have been more than happy to meet up with him. Justin was like a big brother to her, he gave her great advice and genuinely cared about her wellbeing and usually she appreciated it, but that sinking feeling of dread that dripped into her stomach when she first read the message was yet to disappear.

It could be a coincidence, she kept reminding herself. They’d spoken about meeting up on the way back from Texas so he could just be following up on that promise. She knew Nora had been asking after her since they hadn’t had one of their Friday night hangouts in a while, so maybe it was her that was pushing for a meetup. If that was the case, then in the back of her mind Hayley felt a bit guilty for trying to avoid it, but that didn’t stop her from politely dodging nearly all his attempts at convincing her, just in case it was about another certain York family member. Realistically though, she knew why he was pushing so hard to speak to her.

In the end, she’d given in with a sigh when it became clear Justin was going to be just as stubborn as her. He had graciously met her halfway, letting her set the time and location when she had finally relented to his messages, but even that ounce of control did nothing to settle her. For all the rationalising she’d done in her head, deep down she couldn’t deny that she knew what he wanted to talk about, and the thought of talking about it with someone other than Brian was scary. Sure, Joey knew and had been supportive with the little information he knew, but Brian was firmly on her side, whereas Justin was another matter. He was a good guy who’d always been sweet to her, but she knew how close to his brother he was and she still felt too fragile to get the other perspective.

It had taken all her willpower not to cancel at the last moment and hide in the house with Alf, but eventually, she managed to pull herself together and clip on his lead before setting off in the direction of where Justin was waiting.

Hayley had chosen a café near enough to her house that she could bring Alf along. She’d spent so much time in bed over the last few days, fluctuating between being too hot and too cold and coughing up her lungs that she’d neglected to give him a proper walk so at least this helped ease that guilt. Plus, she knew her dog was a great distraction and a built-in excuse to leave if she really needed it.

As she turned onto the street that housed the café, she swallowed down the thickness on her still dry and sore throat and reminded herself to breathe. Justin was her friend; he was kind and she had no reason to panic.

“Hey!” Justin's voice lifted her eyes from the sidewalk. “Over here.”

Hayley waved and smiled hesitantly as she approached the table. “Hey.”

Justin smiled and gestured to the mostly empty outside seating area around them. “Are you alright with sitting outside? It’s so hot I thought this would be better, but I’m sure they’ll let us bring Alf inside if you want?”

Hayley quickly considered her options before shaking her head. Her skin already felt to warm under the Tennessee sun but she didn’t want to have the inevitable conversation in front of all the baristas. “No, this is good. It’s great even,” she said nervously, trying Alf’s lead to the table. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting long?” she said, glancing at his already made drink.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Justin said, standing. “I’ll get your drink whilst you get settled, any preferences?” Hayley started to shake her head, but he cut her off with a smile, “No please, I invited you so let me get your drink at least.”

Hayley relented and smiled nervously. “Maybe just some water?”

“Are you sure that’s all you want?” Justin asked.

“Yeah, just feeling a bit hot I guess,” she tried to shrug casually.

“Are you feeling alright, H? You’re looking a little flushed, even for summer?” Justin frowned, placing a concerned hand on her shoulder.

“Just a bit ill from the tour I guess, but it’s fine,” she quickly reassured him, “but some water would be great. And some for Alf too, please.”

Justin nodded, but she could see the concerned parent stare on his face and she tried to remain calm under it. “I promise, I’m fine,” she said one more time before he relented and left to enter the shop.

Hayley took a soothing breath as she waited and willed herself to relax. Justin seemed fine, not ready to scream and shout at her for the way she’d treated her brother like she’d convinced herself that he was going to. She snorted as Alf nudged her hand with her nose and ran a calming hand over his head. “Sorry Bud,” she smiled, glad for the distraction of the panting dog. “Water’s coming, hold on a sec.”

“Two glasses of water,” Justin reappeared, placing Hayley’s on the table and filling the small bowl in his hand before placing it on the ground for Alf.

“Thanks,” Hayley smiled gratefully before taking a long sip.

“So you’ve been ill?” Justin prompted as she put the glass down.

“Yeah, I don’t know what with though,” Hayley shrugged, “it’s probably just not taking good enough care of myself on tour, you know? I think it’s all just hitting me now, like the tiredness and sore throat.”

Justin nodded. “Have you been to the doctor yet?”

“I’ll just wait it out,” Hayley shook her head. “Maybe it’s a summertime flu if that exists.”

“Hayley you should really go see someone –”

“I’m honestly fine,” she tried to smile reassuringly at the concerned look etched over his face. “It’s been a rough few days, but I’ll pull through. I always do.”

“Hayley about that –”

“Hey,” she cut him off with a forced smile, sensing where he was taking the conversation. “How have the girls been whilst you were away? I thought you might have brought Nora to see Alf?”

Justin hesitated at the change of subject but took the bait. “They’re great,” he beamed and pulled out his phone, pulling up a video of them at the pool.

Hayley smiled as listened to him talk about his family. She was relieved that he was keeping the conversation light, but she also loved seeing him in his element and being a great dad. There was something so satisfying about seeing her friend be such a devoted parent who was raising great kids.

“I’ll have to come and see them soon,” she genuinely promised.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since you’ve been over with my brother,” Justin continued casually as his brows raised pointedly.

Hayley bit her lip to stop her face from cringing. She could tell from the knowing look on his face what he was implying.

“Yeah, I guess it has,” she sighed, trailing off as she reached down to stroke Alf to avoid looking at Justin’s face.

“Hayley,” Justin murmured gently. “Do you want to talk about it now?”

She considered playing dumb and avoiding his knowing look, but there was no use. She knew the conversation was inevitable since he’d texted her, and now she had to face it.

To her surprise, Justin’s face was calm and open as he waited for her to answer. “I’m not going to bite your head off or make you feel bad,” he reassured her as he read the apprehension on her face, “and just because he’s my brother doesn’t mean I’m necessarily on his side.”

Hayley looked up in surprise as he continued. “You’re both grown adults as well,” he added, “so I don’t think any sides should even exist. I’m practically Switzerland. But if you want to talk about what happened, then I already know the basics from Taylor and I’m happy to listen.”

Hayley let out a surprised, relieved laugh. “God,” she swiped a hand through her hair, clearing some of the sweat off her brow. “You don’t know how much I built this conversation up in my brain.

“You?” Justin feigned his disbelief, “overthinking? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Hayley laughed properly this time, only stopping with a wince has her throat twinged from the exertion. “That’s fair, I guess.”

“I already got a run down from Taylor when he came to my room the other night –”

The laughter from a moment ago wiped off Hayley’s face. “He did?” her eyes widened.

“Yeah,” Justin nodded, “he was pretty drunk and broken up by that point, but I think he explained most of it.”

“What happened that night or the whole thing?”

“Both.”

Hayley nodded to hide the extra flush on her cheeks. “Not my finest hour,” she laughed bitterly.

“I’m not judging you,” Justin reminded her, “you’re both as bad as each other.”

Hayley’s eyes widened at that.

“Listen,” Justin continued, “he can’t be mad at you just because his feelings got too wrapped up in an arrangement he agreed to.”

Hayley’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment at that. If she had an older sibling then she imagined this is what it was like to discuss sex with them. “To be fair to Taylor, I know now that I shouldn’t have let that happen in the first place. I knew how he felt and denied there were any feelings involved because I couldn’t admit it to myself.”

“That wasn’t your finest moment,” Justin agreed. “I think you both are as bad as each other.”

Hayley nodded with unpleasant agreement. “I guess we do make quite a good pair then,” she laughed sarcastically, swallowing down the emotion that spiked at her words.

Justin’s eyes softened at that. “Hey,” he cut off the spike of self-loathing, “give yourself a break. Both of you. Neither of you has any real experience with dealing with this stuff healthily. You know I love my brother, but boy does he not know how to deal with this stuff properly.”

“How is he?” Hayley asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer. “I didn’t exactly leave it on a good note.”

Justin shrugged and sighed. “He’s being Taylor,” he said simply. “He knows he messed up as well, and you know what he’s like, he’s probably holed up in his house.”

“Is he mad at me?”

Hayley got her answer from the tightness in Justin’s eyes. “I think he’s just scared,” Justin clarified quickly, sensing Hayley’s reaction. “He seemed pretty messed up with the way it ended, and he didn’t want to talk about it the next morning so,” he trailed off.

Hayley nodded tightly. “Great,” she mumbled, feeling a headache starting to crawl into her skull. “Any pointers on what I can expect now? Is he going to avoid me, be sad all the time, not turn up for the next tour?” she rambled off ideas, “should I just forget about it all and act like it didn’t happen?”

“Well, he’s not physically run away this time,” Justin offered lightly, “at least he didn’t go to Florida again like last year.”

Hayley’s eyes widened at that. She’d forgotten how badly he’d reacted to his last breakup, how he’d taken off for a while and then come back into the midst of all her drama and stuck by her side.

“Fuck,” Hayley groaned, dropping her head into her hands. “Why are we so messed up?”

Justin laughed and squeezed her shoulder. “At least your drama shows that you both care. Neither of you would have reacted like this if you didn’t care.”

Hayley nodded. “D’you know what the worst part is?” she asked, suddenly feeling the need to share. “We were so close to figuring it out,” she could feel her lips pinching with bitterness at the memory. “I had a talk with Brian about it all, and I finally figured out that I need to get over my shit, and then I made a stupid choice in a bar and now Taylor won’t acknowledge that it ever happened.”

“If it means anything, I really hope you guys work it out,” Justin offered kindly. “I really want you both to finally be happy.”

“Thanks, J.” Hayley smiled sincerely.

“He might come around eventually,” he pointed out, “he’s just mad at the situation, not necessarily at you.”

“No, I think he will be mad at what I did the other night,” Hayley shrugged, “but that’s okay. I really messed that one up.”

“You both messed up. Neither of you communicates properly and you’re not mind readers,” Justin stated, “but give him some time and take it from there. Your hearts in the right place which is what matters most.”

Hayley nodded and hoped he would be right.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Justin checked his watch. “Shit,” Justin said, finishing the final dregs of his drink, “we’ve been out here a while. I need to get back for lunch with the girls, Nora has requested a tea party.”

Hayley nodded and grinned. “You’re such a great dad, J.”

Justin smiled with pride. “Thank you,” he nodded appreciatively. “Let me give you both a ride back.”

Hayley began to shake her head, but he cut her off. “H, come on. You’re bright red and clearly not feeling too good, let me drop you off so you can get out of the heat.”

“Okay sure,” she relented as she untied Alf.

They spent the rest of their time in comfortable silence or chatting freely about the next leg of the tour. Hayley couldn’t quite put her finger on it but something in her felt looser now, like a source of tension had been freed from her shoulders. The headache was steadily growing the longer they spent in the heat but still, she felt better even though she knew nothing was really solved. Justin just had this way of calming her down and vocalising the thoughts his brother couldn’t.

When his car finally pulled up to her house, Hayley quickly helped Alf out the back before leaning through the open window. “Thanks, J,” she said sincerely, “I was dreading this conversation but you actually really helped.”

Justin smiled and nodded.

“You’re a great brother and a great friend,” she smiled before stepping back and waving as his car drove away. She watched for a moment before turning to lead Alf back into the house.

\--

Hayley wasn’t sure what she’d done wrong but after a slight lift in her illness, the temperature had come back in full throttle and her throat felt like it had been rubbed raw. Repacking her clothes for the tour had been brutal as her limbs felt heavy and her brain couldn’t process what she needed to bring.

“Hey you,” Joey called to her as they waited at the check-in desks. Joey was always an affectionate guy and pulled her into a tight hug in greeting. “How was your break?”

“It was okay,” Hayley shrugged, “didn’t do much. You?”

She was relieved when Joey launched into a story and occupied her attention for the next fifteen minutes. Alongside being affectionate, he was also a talker which she was more than fine with right now as her throat ached with every swallow. She’d mentally planned to stay quiet for most of the day in hopes it would relieve the ache slightly before the show that night. As long as she got through the show and went straight to bed in the hotel, she was nearly confident she would be fine in time to get on the bus for the next stop tomorrow.

“Any progress with…” Joey trailed off, flicking his eyes over to Taylor’s brooding figure at the back of the group.

Hayley had spotted him she arrived at the airport. She was being dramatic when she suggested he wouldn’t turn up for the next tour leg, but she genuinely wasn’t sure what to expect from him. Any hopes of him returning to the friendly Taylor from last week was shot to hell when he turned up, his eyes were tired, and a slight frown never left his face. So moody Taylor it was then.

“Not really,” she mumbled back to Joey, not really wanting to get into again, especially not in the airport. She was trying to remember what Justin said, that both of their hearts were still in the right place, but looking at Taylor now, she wasn't so convinced.

Joey nodded sympathetically and joined in with the conversation between Zac and Logan, still holding her close.

“You’re like a furnace,” he muttered to her once they were finally moving through the airport.

Hayley shrugged, not wanting to draw any attention to her illness. She’d bronzed her face to try and draw attention away from the paleness since she knew it would cause so many unnecessary problems if she made a big deal about it. She just needed to get through and do her job and eventually it would be fine.

“I’m fine,” she responded.

The group moved through the airport without any hassle and eventually made it to their first venue. The headache she’d tried to ignore as the pressure increased through the flight was pounding after they landed so she promptly found a sofa, knowing she would need some rest to make it through the show tonight.

\--

In the end, the show that evening passed without any stand out moments. The band had played well and the crowd seemed to enjoy it but Hayley could feel her own performance wasn’t up to scratch. The lights of the stage seemed brighter somehow, and the music played louder in her ears.

Her body ached from being on stage, but not like the usual muscle burn that came from an hour and a half of performing. It felt heavy, like weights were attached to her limbs, making the process of getting ready to leave the venue seemingly undoable. She’d noticed a change during the show as well, her lungs felt tighter and it felt more difficult to get the notes out that she usually never had to think about.

“Earth to Hayley,” Zac broke her distorted haze, slinging a heavy arm around her shoulders as they walked into the green room.

Hayley winced at the added weight.

“Are you showering here?” Zac continued, “or waiting for later?”

“Hm?” Hayley asked, hearing his words but not processing them.

“Shower,” Zac tried again. “Cleaning your body,” he laughed, wiping a hand across her damp forehead, “Hey, you’re sweatier than normal. You want to grab a shower to cool down?”

“I am?” Hayley asked, shocked. She’d worn sleeves tonight, but her body felt surprising cold for an indoor venue.

“You’re like a furnace, man,” Zac pointed out, starting to look concerned.

Hayley waved him off. “Nah, I’ll be fine,” she smiled wearily, “I’ll shower at the hotel.”

Zac looked unconvinced. “Hey,” he called over her shoulder, “come give me a second opinion.”

Hayley groaned as Logan and Docky approached, looking at her with concern. “You’re looking kinda pale.”

Logan agreed. “Do you want to sit down?”

“No, I’m good,” she insisted, rubbing at her temples as she plastered a weak smile on her face. The growing interest from her bandmates caused her heart to race as she focused on denying their concerns. “It’s really nothing, I’m just tired –”

Hayley cut herself off as she began to cough, wet and rough as the irritation in her throat spiked. She sucked in air as she tried to stabilise herself, waving off the boys concerned looks. The coughs felt violent, racking through her lungs as she fought for it to stop.

“Hey, can we get some water?” Zac called out the room in general as Docky led her to the sofa. “Water?” he repeated, motioning at Hayley as she curled in on herself.

“Breathe H,” Joey said, appearing by her side, rubbing her back in soothing circles. “Just breathe.”

Hayley nodded and focused as he asked. A bottle was shoved into her hands and she chugged the water, waiting for the cool liquid to soothe her throat. She panted as she pulled the bottle away from her mouth, wiping the sweat that gathered on her brow.

“Little bit more,” Brian pushed as he dropped down in front of her.

Hayley nodded and finished the bottle, breathing steadily as the pressure on her temples eased slightly.

“You okay?” Brian asked quietly. Hayley watched him tiredly before flicking her eyes to the rest of the guys. Brian leant forward and felt her cheeks. “They’re kinda warm, do you need anything else?”

“I’m fine,” she wheezed, smiling weakly as her friends glared back.

“Hayley, I think –”

“What’s going on?” Taylor’s voice cut through the group who’d gathered around her.

“Hayley’s sick,” Zac explained before Hayley could protest.

“I’m fine,” Hayley tried again, but she knew they weren’t going to let this go. She could tell by the way they were watching her that she didn’t look too good. It was then she realised her shirt was soaked through now and her cheeks burned red.

“You alright?” Taylor asked her directly, looking at her properly for the first time since that moment in the hallway several nights ago.

Hayley nodded and attempted a fragile smile. The attention of the guys had been one thing but she felt weak under Taylor’s concerned stare. She’d been aching for some communication all week and this was not how she wanted to get it.

Hayley sat up straighter and brushed back the sweaty strands of hair that stuck to her face, concealing a wince as a pain shot through her back. “I’m fine, I promise –”

“Hayley, what hurts?” Taylor asked.

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Hayley,” Taylor’s jaw clenched, “don’t be tough. What’s wrong?”

“Taylor,” she mumbled, embarrassed as the guys watched their interaction. She swallowed roughly over her sore throat and winced, knowing he was the one person she couldn't lie to about this. “It’s just – my throat hurts.”

“Just your throat?”

“I feel really hot now,” she managed as her voice shook, suddenly overwhelmed as she focused on exactly how she felt.

The ache in her body was bone-deep now and her eyes felt red and wet. Her skin felt clammy as the sweat soaked through her clothes. Her head was pounding and her throat felt raw after the coughing fit.

She saw a flash of something almost like pain flash through his face as his jaw tightened. “Right. I think we should get back to the hotel, and someone can call a doctor.”

Hayley moved to protest until coughs racked her body.

“You’re burning up,” Brian confirmed as he felt her head again. “You need to get in bed.”

“I’m fine,” Hayley cried lamely.

“Hayley,” Taylor cut her off, staring her down. “Don’t.”

The room was quiet as the pair stared at each other.

Eventually, Hayley nodded and moved to stand from the sofa. Whether it was the exhaustion that overwhelmed her or the look on Taylor’s face, she gave up the fight.

The guys moved from around her and gave her space to start to collect her stuff.

“Leave it,” Docky said, gesturing to the door. “We’ll pack everything up. Go lie down in the van.”

Hayley nodded quietly and tried to smile politely. Any other day she’d challenge the guys for treating her like this, but the energy to do so had left her body.

“Let’s go,” Brian directed her, holding some clean clothes that he pulled out of her bag, moving her out of the green room and down the corridor. The sounds of fans screaming by the fence hit her as they stepped out the venue door, so she smiled weakly and waved once. “Keep going, nearly there,” Brian murmured, as they approached the van that was going to take them to the hotel.

Hayley waved once more to the fence before climbing up the stairs. The van was empty with blacked-out windows, so she pulled the sweat-soaked clothes off her body and lay down across the seats.

“You need to wear something so you don’t get cold,” Brian held out the clothes

“Too hot,” Hayley mumbled as she buried into the seat.

“Too bad,” Brian shot back and handed her a hoodie and a pair of shorts.

Hayley took them reluctantly and slipped on the shorts. Her skin felt sensitive to the soft material and she squirmed uncomfortably.

“Hoodie as well,” Brian urged.

“I’m trying,” she snapped tiredly as she turned the crumpled hoodie from inside out.

Hayley faulted as she recognised what Brian had handed her. She hadn’t worn the hoodie since the trip to 711 several weeks ago.

“Hayley, come on.” Brian yawned, “the guys will be on their way back now.”

Hayley stared at the hoodie and debated what to do. The jumper was warm and comforting, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d feel safer if she wore it. But Taylor seemed to be in no mood for more mixed signals and she didn’t have the strength deal with his rejection again. She honestly couldn’t remember if he’d been more angry or concerned only minutes before.

“Just put the hoodie on,” Brian said bluntly.

Hayley sighed and shrugged it on. Taylor could be mad at her tomorrow when she felt normal again but right now, she needed it. This was as close as she was going to get to comfort from the real thing and her head was too dizzy to put up a fight.

Groaning as a wave of nausea hit her, Hayley flopped back down into the seat and closed her eyes, finally giving in to the exhaustion.

\--

It was light when Hayley finally cracked her eyes open. She could tell from the mattress and duvet that she was in a hotel room, but she wasn’t entirely sure how she got there.

She sat up and dug her fingers into her eyes as she focused on her memories. Vaguely, she could remember Zac helping her through the lobby but that was it. Her bags lay in a pile by the door and her phone had been left to charge on the bedside table.

Hayley groaned as she twisted to grab it, her muscles ached at the sudden movement. The screen showed 12:07 pm.

Hayley blinked at the screen and sighed. She considered texting Brian to come and see her, but her body won and she flopped back onto the pillows. She vaguely remembered that they had to get on the bus at some point today, so she assumed they’d come and get her for that. Her body still ached, and her head felt warm, but she could pull it together for the sake of keeping the tour going.

Hayley could feel the heavy furrow of her brow as she looked down. She was still dressed in the clothes Brian picked out last night, though someone had scrubbed the makeup off her face at some point last night. She smiled softly as she picked at the soft sleeves that hung loosely at her wrists. Taylor hadn’t had the hoodie in weeks but she could smell the faintest hint of him on the fabric, and somehow it settled her nerves.

Hayley knew she should dread his reaction to her clothes. He’d seemed pissed at her in the airport and the venue when she’d done nothing new to provoke it, so she couldn’t imagine what he would have thought when he saw her in his jumper. Hayley groaned and rubbed her brow as she made a mental note to apologise to him.

She lay quietly until the sound of a shower turning off broke her from her haze. She’d been so disorientated she hadn’t even noticed it.

The sound of padding feet moving around the bathroom continued as Hayley waited quietly. She ran a hand through her hair and grimaced, it was thick with grease from the last night. The thought of a shower would be appealing if she thought she could stand long enough for one.

“Hey, B,” her hoarse voice called out to her tour roommate. Her throat was still raw and burned, “can you bring me some water please?”

Hayley snapped her head at the sound of the door handle and blinked at the sight in front of her.

“Shit, sorry,” Taylor stared back as he shifted the towel around his hips. “I assumed you’d still be asleep.”

“It’s okay,” she said softly, barely able to process the sight in her brain. She watched as he shifted awkwardly and forced herself to keep her eyes on his face.

“Um,” he frowned. “I’ll be back in a minute. The guys already left on the bus but I'll explain that later,” he pointed to the bathroom before disappearing quickly.

Hayley gaped for a moment at the spot Taylor had just been stood in.

“Shit,” she barely hissed and flopped back onto the bed, unprepared to face whatever was about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter posted in under a month, lowkey a new record for me I think. This has barely been edited or proofread so I'm sorry if there's any errors but hopefully it was an interesting chapter.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I love seeing your reactions!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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